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A Beginner’s Guide To Better Self-Confidence

self-confidence tips

We’ve all felt low about ourselves at some point in our lives. Whether it’s after a breakup, a nasty boss or coworker, or just plain old low self-esteem, we’ve all been there. And it’s not fun.

Feeling confident in yourself is important for so many reasons  – not least because lacking self-confidence can affect your life in so many ways life. And, much like other mind-led issues such as depression and anxiety, what’s on the inside can very easily become noticeable on the outside.

The Self Confidence Study

This is all coming straight from harsh experience – I’ve suffered my whole life from low to non-existent levels of self-confidence. And I know for sure that I’ve missed out on a lot of opportunities and experiences because I didn’t feel I deserved it or that I could do it. I was my own worst enemy.

Because, when your self-confidence levels are that low, it’s impossible for you to believe that you deserve anyone’s time or attention – not even your own.  In my case, I felt so bad about myself that it started to show on my face and in the way I acted. And people would freely comment on how I looked sick, or miserable, or worse.

Regardless of whether you’re looking for a little pick me up after a recent setback (break up, leaving a job, etc) or if you’re struggling to even lave your bed every day, boosting your self confidence is an easy process to do, as long as you put the effort in and want to do it.

For quick and easy ways to do this, check out 35 Quick & Easy Self Confidence Boosters.

It all starts with the way you think about yourself.

Constantly feeling anxious? Do the quick self-test!

better self confidence

How to Build Up Your Confidence

When you stop to look around, it’s amazing to see the differences in the ways self-confident and less confident people carry themselves.

Once you see it, you won’t be able to unsee it.

Confident people tend to:

  • Act confident – people notice when they walk in a room; they speak with certainty.
  • Look confident – they take care of their appearance and stand tall; they make eye contact.
  • Think confident – they seem positive and certain of themselves.

Every confident person displays these three things to some level. Missing one of these can make it seem like someone is pretending to be confident (on the other hand, really going overboard and pretending to be something you’re not never ends well either)- when they are anything but.

People with less self-confidence may seem to:

  • Act uncertain – they aren’t as noticeable in the room, think ‘the quiet ones’ in meetings or in class.
  • Look uncertain – they tend to avoid eye contact unless absolutely necessary, they slump and have bad posture.
  • Think about themselves in a negative way – that they are unworthy, what they’re saying is stupid, they don’t know or understand the topic of conversation, and even if they do, their opinions are invalid.

The Self Confidence Triangle

It’s not enough to just look and act the part – you need to think the part as well. Each of these three parts are connected. I see it confidence as made up of a 3-part triangle:

self confidence triangle

As you can see, ‘Thoughts’ hold the triangle steady at its base. It’s the most important part of the triangle and its most solid. It supports the rest of the triangle.

‘Actions’, the middle part, provide a connection between the ‘Thoughts’ and the ‘Appearance’.

Yes, ‘Appearance’ is the smallest and least important section, but it’s the highest point of the triangle – the ‘icing on the cake’.

What I’m trying to say is – if you’re thinking confidently about yourself and acting in a confident way, you will appear more confident as a result.

At least, that’s how I managed to boost my self confidence. What did you do to boost yours? Let me know in the comments.

All the best,


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Also published on Medium.


  1. Great post! Totally relatable. I find out that when I look good, I totally feel good too which invariably boosts my confidence. And so all I do is try to always Look good, which makes me feel confident mentally. Thanks for sharing!

  2. I really like how you point out that thoughts play a huge part in self confidence. I struggle with constantly tearing myself down whether it’s how my hair looks or if I look tired, so I started leaving myself post it notes throughout the house with sayings like “you’re beautiful.” You’re kind” you’re loved”

    • Hey Kristin, I’m really glad to hear this post was helpful, and yes, thoughts are the MOST important aspect of self confidence. You’re on the right track with the post-it notes! I hope I can help again in the future! Stay strong!

  3. This is a great post. self-confidence is definitely something I struggle with. Some days are better than others. I definitely agree that your own thoughts are so important. I know mine can veer towards being negative more often than not, so I’m actively trying to be more positive in my own mind. And a little makeup helps a lot!

    • Hi Rachel, thanks for commenting – and yes, you are completely right. Keep that positivity going (and you’re beautiful even without makeup)!

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